The End, Part 2

So after a month on the road, I am home again. It feels weird to be here, like I should be packing up to leave to go somewhere else soon. Fortunately, the reception at home did not encourage this, so I'm here to stay.

For the remainder of the trip, I was hellbent to just get home, so I can summarize as follows:

Tennessee: Humid, Southern, friendly. As I predicted, the traffic did not let up from Little Rock through Fairfax County, and it was pretty stinking heavy through TN.

North Carolina: Beautiful mountains to drive through. Need to visit Asheville again; on first glance, it seems like a Boulder with more humidity and Mr. The King on the telly all the time. Also: a Ferrari-Maserati dealership in Greensboro. Really? How is that possible? I have questions.

Virginia: Home, but wasn't for another day. Traveled I-85 to 58 to Norfolk to home, all familiar territory, and backwater as hell. Sorry, but it is.

THEMES
I would be remiss without some reflection here. I was gone a long time and logged 7,254 miles total, after all. Here are some things that stood out.

1. Drink some goddamned water. We spent most of our time in the arid West, so as they tell you, one can get dehydrated pretty quickly. I did get sick at least twice, even with Greg supplying all 3 of us labeled water bottles (still have them! used them the whole time!). Of course this stopped when we hit Memphis. There is enough water in the air already. Which brings us to...

2. Altitude. Jesus, breathing even a mile up in the air is hard for me. Hothouse flower, or out of shape, I'm not sure. But it took me at least 5 days to adjust. I really take for granted the abundance of oxygen here. HOWEVER, I had no sinus headaches, so score 1 for Altitude.

3. Shade. As I said before, you need shade out West. Find some or bring it yourself. 'Cause you'll want it everywhere.

4. Wisdom of Italian ladies: When horseback riding in Bryce, Lily and John talked to an Italian lady and her daughter who were visiting the whole country. Their impressions sum up what we found as well: the food generally sucks - that is, it's difficult to find healthy food, and the country is BIG. Indeed, it was hard to find anything remotely healthy on the road - anything close to the highway was all fast food, and even Subways are few and far between. We ate well in cities/towns, once we got down to the local level, but picnics might be the way to go. Speaking of healthy food...

5. Kale. Now, I realize kale is trendy, but being Southern, kale is considered something to eat when you can't afford anything else or you're being punished. I do appreciate everyone's efforts but... no.

6. Trains. In every town. Saw HUGE trains carrying double-decker cargo, and heard whistles everywhere. Reminded me of home, which is a good thing.* Speaking of transportation...

7. Turns on a dime. The engineering marvel of the '08 Honda Odyssey should not be underestimated. This tank took us everywhere, over speed, through all sorts of climates, without any issue. Held all our gear, lots of storage, and absorbed spills without complaint. Those 15 cupholders were employed. And, due to its short wheel base, it does indeed turn on a dime - useful when the fine folk of California need to know how DC drivers take left turns in the middle of a wide street. Which brings us to...

8. People on the coasts are pretentious assholes. Really, once you got inland, and except for Chicago, people were very nice and considerate. We had an easy time of it until we hit California, then the usual dickishness in the form of crazy driving became apparent. I mean, just as we crossed the state line from Nevada. In the desert. With no difference but a border crossing. Jerks.

9. Gas. It was a little weird how many gas stations were recently closed. We got to the point where we didn't pull off for gas unless we saw at least 3 stations - because 1 or 2 of them would surely be shuttered.

10. WPA. Part of my goal for this trip was to collect WPA posters from each park we visited, and I did that in spades. We had rolls shoved everywhere in the car. I think I got 12.

And finally, the biggest theme...

11. This is a big goddamned country. You don't get that from flying over it, or studying a map. You just have to drive it. And, say, want to be home while in Oklahoma BUT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE 3 MORE DAYS OF DRIVING TO DO. It's that kind of big.

Seriously, there is space for everyone; no need to crowd in cities. It's amazingly diverse both in landscape and in people, and it's fascinating to see how this country evolved and where people landed and why. For example, there were so many old people in Santa Monica - I'm guessing Dust Bowl refugees or people escaping to sunny California after WWII. There were big and small migrations here and there that explain why a lot of people live where they do.

We also went through the country really really fast. We didn't spend enough time in a few places; we want to go back to San Diego, the Black Hills, Asheville, Albuquerque, Memphis, and of course LA and Vegas.

On the way home, I stopped by my parents' house. My mother asked me, "so, in all this traveling, you didn't see a better place to live, did you, than Virginia?"

Oh HELL yes. Va is just one place to be amongst many. I guess that's a good takeaway and place to end this blog. Thanks for coming along.   : >

* "home" - interchangeable between Norfolk and Oakton, depending on context.

Memphis, in the Meantime

I'm trying to figure out why there are so many songs about Memphis, when there should be more songs about air conditioning in Memphis. Granted I have been in dry heat for a month, but CHRIST ON A CRACKER IT IS FUCKING HUMID HERE! But, we are back in the South, as the many Krispy Kreme trucks and Walgreens can attest.

ANYhoo, it's been a couple of days of hard travel. Yesterday was probably the worst, with leaving Albuquerque early and heading to... Oklahoma City. And being too tired and late to even get a steak in steaktown. However, we did have a nice green-chili-laden breakfast in Old Town ABQ. And I add New Mexico to the list of places we didn't spend enough time, flash floods notwithstanding.

For the rest, I can summarize as follows:

Texas: shithole. As a bonus, passed a slaughterhouse/holding pen for cattle, and OH MY CHRIST please people buy organic grass fed beef or don't eat it at all. I love my steak, but seeing dozens of cows dead or dying along with others waiting for the conveyor belt was disgusting. And you know they're gonna shove them on the conveyor belt too. Clearly, I did not mess with Texas. However, one saving grace were the dozens (hundreds?) of windmills everywhere.

Oklahoma: why? land rush in 1840-something? I don't get it. The landscape was kinda pretty, but, jesus, either go west or stay east. Make a decision before another dust bowl hits.

Arkansas: not the shithole we expected; however, traffic really cranked up on I-40 around Little Rock and hasn't let up now that we're in Memphis. And I have a feeling it won't let up from here on out. Landscape was actually pretty. I didn't realize how much I missed green, as in, actual grass and trees. Arkansas, your hick reputation has been somewhat repudiated.

And POOF just across the border we're in Memphis, which is like a giant Norfolk but with barbecue and brass horns and streetcars. That is, an old Southern city that saw its heyday 80 years ago and is trying to come back. I think Memphis has a better chance, but they need to bring something to the hundreds of empty storefronts downtown. Art school? University? Large naval base? Something. Call me, I have ideas.

Of course we ate meat - ribs - at a local place called Rendezvous - first time having dry-rubbed ribs. I was skeptical, but they were pretty good. Kerri confirms that they were some of the best out there.

To step back a bit, the problem with taking 6 days to cross the country - as opposed to a more humane 10+ days - is that we just don't have time to see everything along the way that we want to. We have to keep moving so we actually make progress and get home. So in Memphis, we got a shot of Graceland from the outside, and we were too late for the Mud Island monorail by the time we got to the hotel. Of course tomorrow is a long haul across the entire state of Tennessee, possibly crossing the Smokies into NC (haven't figured that out yet), so we can't take the time to linger here. And given my affinity for Pigeon Forge (don't judge me, dammit), that will continue.

It's ok. I'm ready to go home. 2 1/2 days away.

BONUS: it really is too convenient that his name is "Weiner"... I mean COME ON.

I AM the Danger, Skyler!

Today we rolled into Albuquerque, home of Breaking Bad. This is not lost on me as the van is full of so much gear from this trip that I hope to hell it’s not been broken into. Additionally, if Indians Native Americans are selling tourists bags of blue rock candy around the mission tomorrow, I will be sorely disappointed.

But I digress. It’s been 3 days since our last post, and in that time Kerri has arrived. We spent a good chunk of Friday eating and walking around Santa Monica, because we needed a lazy day. We were also too lazy to go back to the beach and so hung around our Melrose-Place-like apartment hotel with the pool in the middle. That night we drove John and Lily to LAX, whereby they were promptly back in VA and in bed by the time we woke up in LA.

I also want to mention that we saw only ONE Tesla out in the wild. On the way to DC in the mornings I usually see one, so I’m calling California on its environmental crap.

EARLY start on Saturday because Kerri had jet lag and made me get up early, and we had a good 8-hr drive to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. Because I just can’t get enough of a big hole in the ground. Seriously, Kerri has never seen the parks out west, and this one is sure to bowl her over, which it did. Unfortunately she toured herself since I managed to snag a migraine on the way, in between monsoons. Still made the dinner at El Tovar that I booked a month ago, tho.

Felt better by this morning, and we took our time at the GC Visitor’s Center where I snagged 2 more WPA posters. From there, a long drive to the Petrified Forest NP, and then back on I-40, where seriously, a flash flood shut down the road. AND WE WERE IN IT.

Actually the water never got over an inch around US, but still, damn. There was debris all over the road and traffic was backed up for miles. Fortunately we were the 4^th car in and got to see all the drama. A few cars with NM tags tried to sneak up on the tiny shoulder (also filling up with water), which leads me to condemn all NM drivers as douchebags.

Also, a tire blew on a rig beside us and it fishtailed. Could have done without that.

Which brings us to a late night in Albuquerque. Kerri and I were both beat, so we just ate Mexican at the hotel’s restaurant. Also it being Sunday night, this town shuts down so our dining options were limited. Tomorrow we’ll take a look at Old Town ABQ before heading out to 2 days of pure driving: through Amarillo, to OK City, to Little Rock, and finally Memphis. For those of you snickering, this is actually the Thelma and Louise route IN REVERSE. And we are running out of mesas to sail off of.

Also, we’re realizing just how hard it is to spend all day driving. It will be a long couple of days here soon. Perhaps Memphis will make it worthwhile. And then we will be back in the Southland.

Random thoughts:

1.       Music: Love is Blue by Paul Meurat will mess with your head on I-40’s high desert, in much the same way Radiohead will. Metal, however, will assist the drive through a monsoon.

2.       Sadness factor: pretty high since we’re on I-40 through AZ, NM, TX, and OK, which ALSO happens to be, in most spots, Route 66, or "The Mother Road." Route 66 is decrepit in places, preserved in a few, but mostly it sits there beside I-40 as a testament to westward expansion in the 20th century much like the Oregon Trail ruts testified to wagon caravans in the 19th. The movie Cars can explain all this.

3.       I am done with National Parks for a good long time. I believe this makes 11 total for me. Guh. Although the annual pass has more than paid for itself.

4.       This thing can turn on a DIME. I have a newfound respect for the ’08 Honda Odyssey.

The End, pt.1

Today is the day that Lily and I fly back from LA (redeye flight at 11pm).
The trip from SD to LA was about what we expected.

We're staying at this cool old hotel named Cal-Mar.  The rooms are little apartments and the feel of the place is very 50s-60s.  A place Don Draper might stay for a while in Santa Monica.  Pretty much all we did here is the beach (the water, like everywhere else we've been, is cold, cold, cold.  what the hell, it's july in the desert, why is the water cold?) and the Santa Monica pier for Lily's first official rollercoaster ride.  She hated it. She liked the Ferris Wheel, however, and the hot chocolate and the popcorn.  She did NOT like coming in second on the carnival race game where she could have won an evil Minion from Despicable Me 2.

Clare enjoyed the Tesla dealership a couple blocks away immensely.

Today Clare's friend Kerri comes in from Norfolk to accompany her back across the country, so we'll probably have some more beach time and the ceremonial passing of the car keys before we fly back.

At the end of this trip, I have to reflect a bit.  A vacation like this takes so much involvement, effort, time that if you don't come out of the other end of it changed a bit, you might feel a little let down.  A week at the beach doesn't demand anything of you and doesn't necessary give you anything but a break, that's what it's for.

A car trip across the country demands patience and imagination and teamwork and, sometimes, just plain work.  What has this given me/us?

Perspective, certainly. The sheer size of this country, the variety of landscapes, the variety of experience just looking around and walking around removes any thought that where we live is representative of the country as a whole.  Nowhere is.  

A sense of where I do and do not fit.  I could live anywhere we've been, but i don't want to be talked to as much as these friendly bastards what to talk to me.  I'm decidedly East Coast that way.  I don't fit in the small towns, in the bleached out western villages filled with strip malls, cactus and sand.  I'm surprised (for the 2nd time) that I liked Denver, even though John Elway is all that is wrong with the world.  I don't fit with the hippies or hipsters or granolas that live there or boulder, but the parts of the city they live in are nice. i can see the reason Clare's desire to walk to places, having options for the daily items that you need in your day within a few blocks of where you live.

A sense of accomplishment, we've done things.  We've not passively vacated, we've driven places, walked miles and miles, climbed high places, improvised, negotiated, resolved conflicts and worked together.  If 3 people as prickly as we are can do this, then most any family can do this.

I think, for me and perhaps Clare too, the most important thing we've gotten is what we've given Lily.  Not just a sense of what this country has in it, but also, hopefully, the general knowledge or feeling that there are other places out there she can go.  We hope that, when the time comes, she won't be afraid to venture out there to parts unknown because she's already seen so much of what's out there that she know it'll likely be ok wherever she chooses.

So, Clare will keep up the final leg of the trip and I'll become a reader.  I can honestly say that I don't want to end this yet, but that's just how it works.  I talked at the beginning about the possibility of being the Loud family from that very first reality show on PBS in the 70s that disintegrated on film, or the Griswold's of National Lampoon fame.  Now I can say that we did well, that we didn't disintegrate or have too many disasters.  We're a good group and a family of smart and funny people who can get along even when that's the last thing we want to do at the moment.  I guess that knowledge is the best thing the vacation has given me.

Viva Las Vegas! and classy, classy San Diego

We blew into Vegas like a gale force wind, threatening to take the whole town down.   Ok, maybe not exactly.   We rolled into town in a minivan with a 9 year old, threatening to be really cranky from the long drive from the Grand Canyon.  We didn’t really hit Vegas with any intent of doing anything but resting, the road from St. George to Vegas is a whole lotta nuthin’ but hot.  We had just camped at the North Rim, so we went as diametrically opposed to that experience as we could.

From getting served frozen lemonade slushies while in the pool, to the buffet at the Mirage with 13 different food stations, to the aquarium at the Mirage, the canal IN the Venetian, the changing sky and Trevi fountain in Caesars and the glass flowers, giant birds and snails made of real flowers and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio, we showed Lily how absurdly over the top we can do things here.  In Moab, we had rafted down the Colorado, some parts of which were too shallow to swim in.  That being the primary source of water for Vegas, and so many other cities, is just too mind blowing.  Thankfully, she didn’t ask/comment too much on the more adult portions of Vegas that are all around.  The ads for girls directly to your room, etc.  She was still more fascinated by the candy store with the 5 lb box of Mike and Ikes.  Oh, and the slot machines.  She was drawn in by all the video slots.  She asked how old she had to be to gamble in Vegas.  Yeah, I can see what’s coming. 

We left Vegas yesterday, after the breakfast buffet at the Luxor, just to show her the other end of the strip.  Know how I said there’s nothing between St. George and Vegas?  There’s less between Vegas and San Diego.  That was the most boring and annoying drive of this trip (the part with all of us, at least).  From Sioux Falls through Vegas, if I was coming up on someone in the left lane, they got over.  I returned the favor.  The moment we hit the California line, people just camped in their lane at whatever speed they felt like and be damned if they’d move.  All of a sudden I’m on the beltway, but with less interesting scenery and 220 miles of it to go through. 

The things you hear about the weather in San Diego are true so far.  Warm, clear, light breeze.  The hotel that Clare booked us into has been perfectly located.  5 minutes from the Old Town section where we had excellent sushi with my nephew Eric who lives here.  10 minutes from the San Diego Zoo where we spend most of today.  World class Zoo, even if you do have to pay. 

5 minutes away from Mission Beach. 

Today is our 14^th wedding anniversary. We’re going out to a nice dinner at the restaurant my nephew works at.  We’re coming to the end of the family portion of this vacation, with Santa Monica tomorrow and flying back Friday night.  All of us are actually a little sad about that, which means that Clare did a magnificent job of planning this thing.  It’s been better than I ever thought it would be. 

Remember what I said about the west being Big?

Nothing demonstrates that more than the Grand Canyon.  The thing is indescribably vast.  It overwhelms when you come to it.  That actually might work against it for staying there more than a day or two.  You drive for an hour to pull up to a viewpoint that looks incrementally different than the last one because you just can’t go far enough to really change the perspective.  You could, if you were simultaneously stupid, crazy, and suicidal, ride a mule into the canyon a mile down so you could get really hot if you survive the trip down. 

The North Rim is higher and more wooded than the South Rim.  It’s cooler and, in our case, rainier.  We put the tent through its paces this time, I’ll say.  We got to the canyon on Saturday under ominous skies and had enough time to set the tent up.  I suggested we wait to set up the beds in case we needed to spend time in the tent during the rain.  Score one for John. When the rain started, we set up the 3 chairs and a table in the tent and played Chinese checkers quite comfortably thank you very much.  That rain was brief and we were able to go to the Lodge for a family photo op:

                     

Sunday was a day for the aforementioned hour drive to a spot 25 miles away where you could walk out on this ridiculous promontory and see the Colorado River in the distance while fearing for your life.  There’s also a nearby place set aside for weddings.  It’s basically a bunch of log benches facing the canyon.  I see several issues with this idea.  It’s an easy 2 hour drive from the closest thing called a town, the minister has to stand with his/her back to the canyon, so they can’t see how far they are from the edge, and the references to taking the leap/plunge in getting married can be all too literal. 

Back at the campsite, the clouds became ominous again, so we packed all our stuff away and headed to the lodge where we had dinner reservations a couple hours later.  The thunderstorm in the canyon was spectacular from the huge windows of the lodge.  You could see lightning strikes and the sides of the canyon were richer and deeper.  The storm ended right about the time our table next to the picture window was ready.  There happened to be a quite lovely double rainbow that dove down into the canyon right outside, so every asshole with a camera crowded around our table to take a picture.  GET THE HELL AWAY FROM US!  This is America, we made it big like this so we didn’t have to be touching all over each other like you decadent commie hive living European tourist bastards.  Clare whipped out her best “Eat shit and Back off” look and we were left to eat in peace. 

Then it was back to the campsite where it, of course, started raining again, so family games and bedtime soon followed.  Thankfully, it was dry this morning when we packed up, ending the camping portion of our program.  Lily was actually a little sad about that, so we must have done it right.  We’re on the way to Vegas now, for one night then on to the final stretch in San Diego and LA.  I just had my first ever IN-N-OUT burger and it was pretty good.  I’ve been spoiled by 5 Guys and the gourmet joints back home, but now I’ve had one and the fries were pretty good too.  

On to the bright lights and hot heat.

Zion

                Clare’s executive decision to not camp in Zion due to the weather paid off big time.  The only thing is, not for the reason we thought.  The 109 degree days didn’t appear.  The thunderstorms every day, however, more than made up for the lack of heat.  The Hampton Inn in Springdale worked out very nicely as a substitute. 

                Zion is a fascinating combination of terrains in one park.  On the way in from  Bryce, you go through the Checkerboard Mesa area, desert with slickrock hills and cliffs.  It’s a great area to climb, just difficult enough to be fun, but just easy enough not to kill yourself. 

Then the tunnels, including the mile long one that puts you out at a canyon that you make your way down the side of to the parts of Zion that people mainly come to see.

  

You can’t drive in the main part of the canyon anymore, it’s all shuttle buses, which actually makes it much nicer, as there are not so many idiots on the road.  We took the shuttle as far as you can go, up to the Riverwalk trail.  This leads to the N     arrows, which is a “trail” that basically goes in the river up the canyon until it, of course, narrows into a slot canyon.  It’s prone to flash floods.  Did I mention the thunderstorms?  So that and the lack of desire to get our shoes/socks/pants wet meant we were quite satisfied with the Riverwalk.  It’s a lovely little mile long walk along the shores of the river with trees and grass and then the towering rock walls of the canyon around you.  There are areas of “weeping” rock, where you can see the water coming out of the cracks, and dripping down the side of the wall into a little rainforesty type area at the bottom. 

We did two other hikes in Zion, the Grottoes which is basically just a trail by the side of the road, the only interesting bits being the doe and the wild turkey alongside the trail.  The Emerald pools trail was much more interesting.  We only did the lower trail, there are hard hiking limits with a this family.  At the end of the trail, there’s a “waterfall”(more like a light rain) of about 50 feet into a pool of water at the bottom.  You can stand in the drops and cool off.  You can also see a 2ftX3ft section of the rock wall fall down the hill onto the trail, just as people had walked by.  Erosion still happens people.

  

The rest of our days were spent in the pool or the air conditioned room.  We, as a family, can recommend MeMe’s café in Springdale for some good food.  They made some crepes that were not remotely as frou-frou as you might think they’d be.  The Meat Lovers had ham, bacon, turkey and eggs.  Very good.  Espresso is very big out here, they have little espresso wagons in places.  We’ve seen more shave ice here than in Hawaii. 

As I type this, we’ve just crossed into Arizona (so we are not completely sure what time it is, since Arizona doesn’t recognize the same time zones) on the way to the Grand Canyon north rim, for our final round of camping.  The first round went really well, and we’re feeling pretty good about the camping at the Grand Canyon, as long as it doesn’t rain. We’ll let you know how it goes.