This is the end

Sorry I didn’t post last night, but they charge $13 at the excalibur for internet in the room. So the podunk hotels in Cortez and Moab treat you better than the casinos.

So to catch up. Yesterday, we hiked the Navajo Loop trail at Bryce, 1.3 miles and something unexpected around every corner. Water and air are the most patient and amazing builders. The Two Bridges in Bryce, just hanging there in the air, just cool, nothing else.

From Bryce we rode 12 to 89 to 9 and stopped in Zion. Hot. Just fucking hot. We didn’t ride on the shuttle bus, it would’ve taken too long and we may well have been sceneried out by that point. We liked the tunnels and the roads are are excellent, as usual. Michael found a book about stories of the National Parks and was talking to a Ranger who had come to the parks later in life. I think he wants to be a Park Ranger. I can’t wait to see him in the hat.

The ride from Zion to Vegas was just misery on top of misery. Hot and oppressive and nothing but highway the whole way. The speed just climbed and climbed the longer we were out there. I just wanted OUT. We actually didn’t mind stopping to put our helmets back on because we got to stop in the shade for a few minutes. Then we stopped again to get gas and drink 3 waters, we stopped just to get off the damned hot highway.

Finally got into Vegas about 5 and I was just nuts. Surly, mean and confused. I snapped at Michael because he kept reading off the damned room numbers as we were walking down the hallway. After a few minutes in the oxygenated environment and a soda and a gatorade, I was much better. We went down to the casino and I played some cheapie slots and we played the Let it Ride table so that Michael would get the chance to gamble in a relaxed, slower paced environment. I left the table up each time I played. For about 125 total for the trip.

As the sun went down we walked the strip and Michael got to see the breadth of humanity that roams the streets. Depravity with a high gloss and depravity in it’s more natural state were abundant. They’ve changed the free show at the TI as the Treasure Island is now called. It used to be just a sea battle but now they’ve added Sirens that look a lot like Pussycat Dolls instead of sailors. Lot’s of fireworks and fire and the ship still sinks, so it’s still a good little free show.

We walked across the street to the Palazzo (new) and went the wrong way trying to get to the Venetian and ended up in Barney’s of New York. There was a Bentley parked outside, we fit in quite nicely. We ended up eating at the McDonald’s near Harrah’s (Michael’s idea) and that was entertaining. Girls that were very overdressed for a McDonald’s though there wasn’t much dress there. People walking in to the restaurant carrying beers, just the overall Babylon aspect of the street was vastly entertaining. One casino had a Go Go dancer in a cage right over the card tables. Vegas has defnitely gotten less family oriented, which is as it should be, in my opinion.

Michael enjoyed the blue sky and the canal ON THE 2ND floor as well as the people handing out stripper cards indiscriminately to grandmothers and anyone who would take them. There were women who we were invisible without 100 million in our bank accounts as well as some 400 lb women in ill advised cut-off jean mini-skirts. Our favorite phrase overheard was, “I want your ID and I’ll give you 40 bucks”.

We were pretty beat after we got back to the hotel, so Michael went to sleep and I went back to the casino, just because it calls to me.

It was an uneventful morning, getting the bikes back to the Harley shop. Michael finally got his Jack-in-the-box Super Taco nostalgia (it’s called a Monster taco now) out. This time we got advice on telling the cabbie the route to take to the airport and the cab ride cost us less than half what we got robbed for on the way out.

Total miles for the trip, 1671.
Final stats, 7 National Parks in 5 states. Only rode in the rain twice. Went from 2000 feet to 9600 feet in elevation.
Pigment Qoutient, a mellow brown, occasionally broken up with ashy burnt skin. We didn’t get fried too badly, but we got fried.
Money Situation, we made it out with money, always a plus when leaving Vegas.

We’re beat, but it was a great vacation, giving us a taste of so many different things that the southwest has to offer. If you haven’t been out here, come at least once, especially if you ride. Every American should see the Grand Canyon and Vegas before they die. Both have they’re own grandeur in different ways.

I’ll post more pictures after September 1st, when my upload allowance on flickr increases.

And Ye shall know fear

Today we popped by Canyonlands for about 2 hours, Island in the Sky. At Grandview Point, you can see an indescribable expanse. Off into the distance, you see different levels of buttes and canyons and mountains ascending like a tremendous staircase. There’s also a dirt road clinging to the side of the cliff that you can drive around, if you’re nuts and want to die.

Then we rode through central utah via route 24 and route 12. Route 12 is a pretty famous road, starting in Torrey, UT and ending near Bryce Canyon. It goes as high as 9600 feet, and down into valleys of varying colors of nothing but rock.

There’s also one fun section I’ve decided should be named “Rue de Pantalons de Merde” or Shit Pants Road. I don’t know how high it is, at least 7000 feet and the sign just before you get to it says that there are steep grades and sharp turns. What the sign doesn’t tell you is that it’s a set of curves where the cliff drops off about 6 inches on either side of the road. I have no idea how they paved it. I had ridden it with Clare on our honeymoon so I knew what to expect. Michael, on the other hand, was having a fresh experience of fear. This was the only time I have ever been able to leave Michael behind on a motorcycle. I’m sure I’ll pay for my malicious laughter

There’s a spot on 12 where you can pull of and just see the entire southwest, it seems. Different mountains, different deserts, different terrains all in one sweeping view. Magnificent.

We got into Bryce about 5 and just rode directly into the park before checking in. Bryce is my favorite of the parks, I just think the hoodoos are so cool. The weird part about Bryce is the “South of the Border” style fake western town outside the park to rip off the tourists. None of the other parks we’ve been to has anything like that yet.

Tomorrow we’ll go back into bryce to hike some, then down to Zion for a little bit and ending up in Vegas in the evening sometime.

If any of you ever find yourself in Torrey, UT, go to the Capitol Reef Inn for lunch or dinner.

Total mileage: 1397
Pigment Quotient: stabilized at fried chicken brown
Money situation: looks pretty good going back into Vegas Baby

Off Day

Today we stayed in Moab and rested for the most part. First thing in the morning, we rode the 2 miles out of town to Arches. We decided to make the 1.5 mile (each way) trip hike to Delicate Arch early to avoid the heat. 1.5 miles may not seem like much, but the way out there is all uphill and not gently either. This was our exercise for the trip, and man am I glad it’s over. We found that we like shade an awful lot and that rocks not baking in the sun are cool the way that the toilet is cool when you’re barfing in it. Of course the scenery was fantastic and climbing on rocks brings out the 10 year old in me. Michael was actually sitting on a rock ledge over at least a 150 foot drop, getting even more over the heights fear.

There’s a small “ranch” at the trailhead’s entrance. Michael remarked that we lock people up in rooms about the size of the one this family lived in. The thought occurred to me that all these poor kids in these one room ranches had to be sleeping in the same room when their parents were creating siblings for them. Bleah.

So we went from there to double arch and did some more climbing around and spending as much time in the shade as we could. On the way out, we were admonished by an officer of the law for speeding. He didn’t actually stop me, he was in the oncoming lane, and hit the lights and actually wagged his finger at me. That’s about as hardass as I want a cop to be.

The rest of the day was laundry and swimming and not much else.

Tomorrow we’re heading to Bryce and maybe pop by Canyonlands for a little bit.

Pigment Quotient – Heading into scary california tanning bed junkie on the arms. The head is evening out some.

Halfway

Here are some statistics for the first half of the trip.
1000 miles, 5 states, 3 National Parks, Highest elevation, somewhere between 9000 and 10,000 feet, bugs hitting us in the head, about 1,000,000.

Today we went to Mesa Verde and toured the Spruce Tree house cliff dwelling. Those people were nuts. Climbing up and down those cliffs using tiny little handholds they carved in the rock without metal tools carrying the food from the farms on their heads and backs? UFB. I have a hard enough time walking up and down the steps without falling down.

From Mesa Verde, we rode Colorado rte 145 past Telluride. Some of the most beautiful scenery we’ve ever seen. Riding up the side of the mountain, lush green fields and forest, with a rocky river and clear water rushing beside the road, it was like a scene from a movie. Of course, the movie took a turn when we got to Lizard Head Pass and the HAILSTORM started. I’ve never tasted hail at 40mph before. The weather report said that there was a possibility of isolated thunderstorms, and boy they meant isolated. The hail started, the rain poured down, so we stopped and put on our jackets and helmets and started riding again. Less than 3 miles later, the rain was stopped. But boy we sure were wet and boy it sure was cold up there at 9000 feet.

After we passed Telluride, the climate changed and when we stopped in Norwood, CO, the temperature had to be in the 90s. So we were dry again. We had lunch there at the Happy Belly Deli. When I saw the sunflower on the sign, I was very suspicious. If you see a sunflower sign on a restaurant, you can bet that it’s run by dirty, filthy hippies or even vegetarians! Thankfully, these dirty, filthy hippies exploited our animal brethen in a savory manner.

From there it was down, down, down into the heat of the valley. We got to Moab in the afternoon and it was 102. We’re staying in the Apache Motel (John Wayne stayed here) and will be here for 2 nights, so the mileage won’t change much. That’s ok, the last 2 days of travel will be over 500 miles, so break won’t hurt us. We stopped by Lone Rider Harley Davidson here in Moab. It’s not a dealer, just a parts and accessories place. It’s in an old house and there’s only one guy there, a grizzled, old school, 2 finger missing guy who explained to me that he coined the Ride to Live part of the Live to Ride, Ride to Live phrase that you see on a lot of Harley merchandise. Of course, a buddy of his tried to sell it to Harley and got taken, you know the story.

So tomorrow is Arches and maybe Canyonlands or maybe something else around here, rafting or dirt bikes or something.

Notes about the southwest:
Dogs are free to roam, there are no leash laws. We saw two dogs chasing a guy on a bike down the street and we weren’t completely sure if they were following their owner or hunting prey.

Damn there are some long straightaways. Miles and Miles of road with no turns at all, not even bends.

Musical Notes
Old faithfull Allman Bros- Little Martha while riding on 145, truly set the movie opening credits feeling.

Pigmentation Quotient. – it’s strange, it’s like my tan is getting a sunburn, pink on top of brown. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Money situation: still pretty good, we spent more on food today, but since bryce and vegas hotels were already paid for, today was the last time we had to pay for our hotels with cash on hand. Gas is about the same here as back home. I might even have enough to gamble on Friday night.

I don’t want a nickel, just want to ride on my motorcycle

Housekeeping: Picture URL is http://www.flickr.com/photos/96983556@N00/

Today we came down from on high, rode through the valley and started on our way back up again.
Michael had decided to face his fear and stand at the edge of the canyon, on a rock without the protective fence. For once, I was considerate enough to wait until he had come back from the edge to tell him that his shoe was untied.

We left the Grand Canyon via the east entrance, Rte 64. This was, by far, a more spectacular route than the road in from Williams. The roads were twisting along the edge of the canyon rim and coming down from the plateau an offshoot of the main canyon ran alongside of the road, reminding us of what we had just seen. We headed east on Route 160 through many small, what the hell do these people do for a living towns, stopping at 4 corners and taking dorky touristy pictures standing in 4 states and 2 nations simultaneously. From there it was straight to Cortez. We got here too late to go to Mesa Verde, which was ok, because thunderstorms hit over there anyway. We’ll hit it tomorrow before we head to Moab.

The theme that has emerged for this trip is cheap eats is the best eats. From 2 Potrillos in Henderson, to the Amigo Café in Kayenta, to Pippo’s Home Cooking in Cortez (although they didn’t have any pie left), we’ve been eating food that hits exactly the right spot. Navajo fry bread is best when made by actual Navajo. Michael had a Navajo taco that was easily the size of his big, bald, bulgy head in Kayenta. So far, we’ve totally undershot my food budget, which leaves more money to give to those billionaires in Vegas.

I’ve never been the biker type, I’ve never bought into the mystique, the lone wolf, the spiritual aspect of the V-twin. But on this trip, I’ve become convinced that the total immersion in the environment that the motorcycle affords you makes the experience much more intense than in the confines of a car, even with all the windows down and the moon roof opened. Now if you do it in a 1970s Cadillac convertible (ether on the dashboard optional, BATS), maybe you can have a similar experience. We’ve been looking from side to side, up and down as much as forward. There’s this really cool rock tower at the intersection of 160 and 491 in absolutely nowhere Colorado, just amazing and not on any National park listing.

Things I never thought I’d see:
A Porsche towing an Airstream

No good musical moments today, although I did confirm that Judy is a Punk by the Ramones doesn’t really fit the riding through the desert motif.

Pigment Quotient, I little lobstery with undertones of wonder bread crust. Though the top of Michael’s head is a little tomatoey.
Money status: Much better than expected with the free dinner from the adventure tourists and the cheap eats situations factored in.

Let’s see if tomorrow we can jam Mesa Verde, 200 miles of mountain roads, and Arches in a day. Probably not at our age. I posted the rest of the pictures from yesterday and today.

Sure it's hot, but it's a HOT heat

I couldn't have put it better myself, Brother Michael. 111 at 11am in Henderson NV. Today we traveled from Vegas to the Grand Canyon, but that doesn't begin to cover it.
If Michael or I are ever in charge of getting you somewhere that we're unfamiliar with, you ain't getting there. We got lost in Vegas, Kingman and in the Park itself. There's only 2 or 3 roads in the park, but we managed to screw it up. But we've managed to make that work for us.
I'm on the Park's internet, so I can't upload pictures tonight, I'll try tomorrow in Cortez.

While getting lost looking for breakfast in Henderson, we found a great restaurant that had breakfast burritos that put Anita's to shame. Freshly made cornmeal tortillas, fabulous.

We didn't get lost at the Hoover Dam, but it would be nice if that place was just lost and forgotten. Hotter than hell and lunar landscaped. Nothing worth going back for.

We tried to go on Rte 66, but managed to go 5 miles on it and end up exactly where we started. So we decided to go on 40 and just get where we were going. So we go up a mountain, and an amazingly scenic valley would reveal itself on the other side, then we go up another mountain, then another valley, then another mountain, OK I GET IT. IT'S SCENIC, OK!

So anyone who knows any of the story of my honeymoon knows me and arizona and motorcycles means rain. Furious thunderstorms and lightning that looks 100 miles long. Luckily we skirted the edges of them until 30 miles from the park where it just let loose. We pulled off in a gas station to wait it out at the same time a 50ish woman on a bike pulled in. She started in Maine, last Monday and rode out to the Canyon, via Niagara and Sturgis. Well, now don't we feel like wusses.

Yesterday in Vegas a small piece of tractor trailer tire flew into my lane so of course I hit it. Today, following Michael, a small metal piece flies into my lane, so of course I hit it. Only this time, I see that Michael's right saddlebag is coming open and I'm about to be hit by his smelly sweatpants. It turns out that metal piece was part of his saddlebag, so we did the traditional Harley roadside repair with bungie cords and moved on.

After we got to the park (4 minutes left on my internet connection, sorry ) , we were unloading our bikes when a 50ish British lady(Bev) asked for help finding her campsite. So we gave her a ride on the bikes to her campsite, which was an international adventure tour group. Thanking us for delivering her, they fed us dinner, (bbq chicken, baked potato, corn, good stuff).

Michael saw the canyon for the first time and we agree. We do not have the words to adequately describe it, and pictures don't do it justice. Come here, see it.

Pigment ranking for today : Medium Rare
Money situation, better, I won $45 in vegas.

Musical Notes,
Allman Bros - Les Brers in A minor is just made for a motorcycle. That bassline just twists the throttle for you.

Ministry - Just one Fix, just seems so right for riding the Vegas strip

Viva Las Vegas!

All that tension sure made it easy to sleep last night. Up bright and early at 5 damned something in the morning.
The cab came perfectly on time. Of course, I had scheduled with Red Top and a Yellow showed up, so I flagged him down. I wonder if there' was a neighbor cussing the Yellow cab company

Dulles at 7am Saturday is a peaceful, quiet relaxing place, and Southwest has seats that fit 38" inseams. Went straight to the Harley shop to pick up the bikes. They've just instituted mandatory drug testing at Las Vegas Harley Davidson. Of course, they gave all the employees a month's notice(wink, wink). This is the kind of conversation you have with Harley mechanics and salesmen. So 2008 Street Glides are very nice bikes. Nimble, balanced, and you find yourself doing 80 before you notice that you've cracked the throttle.

We ran to Red Rock Canyon, twice. The one close to Vegas is nice and has plenty of places for old fat guys to climb rocks in 110 degrees and understand viscerally that they are not 18, hell, not even 30 anymore. The one about 30 miles from Vegas has some great roads. Michael had his epiphany on the way up the 8400 ft high canyon road. His epiphany? Riding in deserts is totally fucking cool and he needed this vacation.

So we rode 150 miles today, and then checked in to our hotel. The California hotel is a decent place, surprisingly. And the best thing for thing for Michael is the Wings and Rings for $7 that he's snarfing while we're watching the Bristol race. I eschewed the Wings and Rings for the Clown Cuisine Dollar Menu. Nothing but the best for these two rednecks. I have made it my mission to eat at an In and Out Burger before we leave.

We haven't gambled yet, and the sun hasn't set so the Fremont Street experience hasn't fired up yet (TOPLESS GIRLS AT GLITTER GULCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! STEP; RIGHT UP). Actually, we'll probably be sitting at the $5 Let It Ride and 3 Card Poker tables next to your grandmothers. We're such big bad bikers.

So tomorrow it's the Grand Canyon. I will attempt to contrast it from to posterior to prove I do know the difference.

Skin pigment rating, half baked.
Exhaustion factor, it's Vegas baby, they pump extra oxygen into the whole damned city. Woohoo!
Money left, umm, let's not think about that, ok?

The tension becomes unbearable

So here it is, the last day of work before I go on vacation. I'm sure that it will be an easy day, full of leisurely cups of coffee around the water cooler....what?...you need this now, it's an emergency? Oh, you've known you needed it all week but forgot to pull it out of your ass until just now? And your unavailable in a meeting all day so I can't clarify your circuitous, sanskrit request? Sure, happy to.

So a few weeks ago, I put my actual motorcycle in the shop to get some work done on it. Well, of course I hear nothing back from then until 2pm today. "Hey, your bike is done" -- "Hey, can I pick it up after I get back from my vacation that I"m flying out for at 8am?" "Well, we're undergoing bankruptcy reorganization, but I'll try to..." "I'll be right there." Bankruptcy... really?

So Michael's family is telling him that we're going to get there too late, we're going to miss the flight.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop, stay in control. Paranoia big destroyer. I need a vacation from preparing for my vacation.

So we'll get into Vegas a little after 10, go straight to the Harley shop and pick up the bikes, and ride to Red Rock Canyon. We're staying downtown near Fremont street for the first Vegas leg, so that Michael can see the seedy, old Vegas. The California doesn't have internet in the rooms, so I'll have to hunt around to post tomorrow night.

Oh, and what the hell is the deal with Rhythmic Gymastics anyway? Balls, sticks, ribbons, writhing young girls, it's a combination toddler birthday/strip club. Totally beyond me.

This is the Blog, La, la, la, la, John's Blog

Ok, so Michael and I are going out west to ride motorcycles. This will hopefully be more Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas than Fat and Old in Mid Life, without the drugs of course. The imaginary bats are fine. I'll post whatever pictures I can here and the rest on my Flickr site, http://www.flickr.com/photos/96983556@N00/

How about some suggestions for some songs I should put on my mp3 player for the ride? Also, any side trips y'all can think of, we'll be doing about 1300 miles but that may not be enough.

Here's where we're going:
Aug 23rd Vegas, Red Rocks and Fremont Street
24th head to the Grand Canyon, maybe get some kicks on Route 66.
25th head to Mesa Verde, CO and see some cliff dwellings, maybe ride around Silverton or other backwater mountain towns
26th-27th head to Moab for Arches, Canyonlands and maybe some dirt bike riding so we can break arms and twist knees.
28th head to Bryce Canyon via Rte 12, really cool road
29th head back to Vegas for a night on the Strip before we leave.